On Building Trust With People
Trust builds good relationships.
And the value of good relationships only grows over time.
Games where you win alone might bring short-term victories, but they never last.
I’ve come to feel this more and more.
Real winning only happens when we win together.
Is Taking Everything Really Worth It?
When you work on projects at a company, you see similar situations play out again and again.
I once worked with someone who hoarded important information and never shared it.
I think they believed keeping it to themselves gave them an edge.
The project wrapped up fine, and they got great reviews.
On the surface, it looked like they won.
But then came the fallout.
On the next project, nobody wanted to work with them.
Word spread fast: they hide information, they can’t be trusted.
Eventually, they ended up alone.
That’s when it really hit me.
Short-term gains and long-term losses are closer than we think.
We face these choices all the time.
Take a little more, or share a little.
Cheat to get ahead, or play it straight.
A lot of people still believe the person who takes more wins.
But in my experience, that’s only half a victory.
Deals where only one side benefits usually end after one time.
The other person remembers.
And they don’t come back.
On the flip side, relationships where both sides benefit keep going.
Trust accumulates. New opportunities naturally follow.
Winning alone is a one-time thing.
Winning together is something you can repeat.
Trust Is an Invisible Asset
I once heard someone say,
“In high-trust societies, transaction costs are lower.”
It didn’t click at first.
But the more I work, the more I see how true it is.
When you work with someone you trust,
there’s less explaining, less double-checking, less suspicion.
Paperwork gets simpler. Decisions get faster.
In low-trust relationships, it’s the opposite.
You have to prove everything.
Time and energy drain away.
Trust is invisible,
but it works exactly like an asset.
It’s the same in companies.
Important work goes to people who are trusted.
Skills matter, sure, but “I can count on them” matters more.
People who’ve lost trust have a different experience.
Even if they’re capable, opportunities don’t come their way.
Success built alone is weaker than you’d think.
Only success built together stands the test of time.
That’s why people who go far
don’t just sprint ahead by themselves.
They bring others along.
The Balance in Your Relationship Account
I think of relationships like a bank account.
Helping someone is a deposit.
Letting someone down is a withdrawal.
Keeping your promises is a deposit.
Celebrating someone’s win with genuine happiness is a deposit.
On the other hand,
only reaching out when you need something is a withdrawal.
Brushing off what someone says is a withdrawal.
What matters is the balance.
When the balance is healthy,
small mistakes don’t destroy the relationship.
But when the balance hits zero,
even the tiniest thing can end it.
Looking back, the relationships that have lasted
were mostly balanced.
Give and take felt natural, never forced.
The ones that faded
almost always had that balance broken somewhere.
When I Benefit, Does the Other Person Benefit Too?
So these days, I keep asking myself this question.
When I’m gaining something,
is the other person gaining something too?
This isn’t about being a good person.
It’s a very practical strategy.
The other person has to be satisfied for there to be a next time.
The other person has to benefit for trust to build.
Once trust builds,
opportunities come easier than you’d expect.
But once you get a reputation for only looking out for yourself,
no one reaches out first.
This has nothing to do with how skilled you are.
Choose the Game Where Everyone Wins
I’m not going to live perfectly.
I’ll probably get tempted by short-term gains sometimes.
But there’s one thing I want to hold onto.
Don’t make choices that cost you trust.
Games where you win alone are short.
Games where you win together are long and solid.
Even if I take a little less,
if it means going further together,
I believe that’s ultimately the better deal.
Writing this made me reflect on my own relationships again.
Balanced relationships last.
And relationships that last
become the greatest asset of all.